Fairytales
by Alsheon
Summary: How many fairytales were actually messed up, but children accepted them anyways because their concept about "Creepy" is basically zero. Might be OOC! Crack! Self-indulgent.


Fairytales are classic.

But it can't be separated with cliche and... cliche, to be honest. I usually found them to be... illogical at times, why is this like this? Why is that like that? Why?

* * *

"What I want is, to marry a prince!" Su Muqiu declared as soon as the fairy godmother asked about his hope and dream.

"You mean, _the_ prince," Su Mucheng supplied with a raised brows.

"No, _a prince._ Doesn't matter which one, as long as they're- _you know-_ a prince. Rich, good looking, _rich_ ," Su Muqiu shook his head and explained.

"..." Su Mucheng started to feel like she's choosing the wrong ward. Wasn't the one who could summon her, supposedly has a pure heart? "But don't you want happiness? You know, if you recklessly married any prince he might be a homicidal freak?"

"Please, what those pampered and sheltered rich guys have against me? I just want the money, I'll happy with that alone," Su Muqiu said proudly.

Su Mucheng tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, "Okay... I heard the prince of your country is searching for a bride... or groom, whatever, why don't we try him out? Or you want try the other team first? A princess?"

"A princess is too much, I'd like prince. Hmm, this country's prince wouldn't be bad, but my step mother and siblings won't let me go certainly," Su Muqiu said solemnly.

"No sweat, we'll do this according to plot," Su Mucheng smiled.

-.-

"How do I look?" Su Muqiu asked urgently just before he ascend the stairs to the ballroom.

"You look perfect! Just like a male version of Cinderella!" Su Mucheng praised generously.

"Who the fuck is cinderella? Whatever, let's do this. Rich life without abuse, here I come!" Su Muqiu eagerly entered the ball.

-.-

"Where's the prince?" Su Muqiu whispered.

"Patient will you? I've never seen someone so eager to sell himself, seriously," Su Mucheng's voice answered exasperatedly.

"It's 'selling himself to richness'. Of course I'm eager, and remember my term? He has to be good looking too," Su Muqiu demanded.

"Hey, I've done my research! Moreover, I'm here to assist you to find your happiness, so pipe down about richness and 'good looking'. This prince also need to be your destined one, okay?"

"I don't believe in that. As long as he's rich and good looking, he's everyone's destined lover."

"But you have to love him sincerely and he has to love you sincerely back for my magic to work!"

"Gah, What's the use of having you then?!"

"I did the laundry and dishes for you!"

"Oh yeah, there's that too... Whatever, as long as he's rich, I'll fall in love with his gold anyways."

"Muqiu, can't you not be so shallow? By the way, there he is! The first Prince, Ye Xiu, look at him!" Su Mucheng eagerly screamed in Su Muqiu's head.

Su Muqiu's head whipped around to get a look of the Prince, and Su Muqiu instantly dumbstruck... "Oh no... He's hot..." Su Muqiu closed his gaping mouth and lamented.

"Do you feel he's the one?" Su Mucheng asked.

"Fuck, of course he is! Even if he isn't, I'll make it happen!" Su Muqiu declared fiercely as he marched towards the unsuspecting handsome Prince.

"For some reason, I don't think this is a type of story that's appropriate for children..." Su Mucheng mumbled helplessly as Su Muqiu demanded a PK from the eldest Prince.

* * *

...

"But whatever you want to do with my voice, I beg to differ?" Yu Wenzhou twirled the water-proof pen in his hand as he peered at the Sea Witch, Wang Jiexi.

"Many things, didn't you listen to my monologue just now? I'm jealous of your voice," Wang Jiexi said carelessly as he mixed another ingridient to his suspicious concoction.

"If there's anyone that deserve people's jealousies because of his voice, it would be Huang Shaotian and his never ending stream of random songs," Yu Wenzhou pointed out as "I believe I can fly~" cold be heard in the distance. Seriously, they're part fish, logically they can't fly.

"No," Wang Jiexi's uneven eyes twitched. "Having that kind of voice would be a curse instead of blessing, besides, you're the one who asked my help."

"Sigh, fine..." Yu Wenzhou knew he couldn't exactly bargain with this one sly witch so he shrugged and gave up.

"And there's more things," Wang Jiexi added.

"Figures..." Yu Wenzhou sighed.

Wang Jiexi turned around, smirking evilly, "Everyday, every step you made, you'll feel piercing pain as like you're walking on a field full of needles. Not to mention if you can't make your Prince fall in love to you, you'll be reduced into foam and disappeared forever, can you bear such things?" Wang Jiexi darkly asked as he peered to the Merman Prince.

Yu Wenzhou's face turned grim, his mind is calculating all pros and cons for this plan of his, but ultimately, his infatuation won as he nodded, "I'm ready."

"Alright, just-"

"On a second thought, can I ask for a spell so the Prince can breathe in the water so I can drag him into the depth, instead?" Yu Wenzhou cutted in solemnly.

"No, that's not even in the script-"

"Okay."

"So, you just need to sign this," Wang Jiexi waved as a piece of magical parchment appeared.

Yu Wenzhou read the contract and shrugged, signing it with grace.

-.-

"So... you were the one who saved me from that storm, huh?" Prince Ye Xiu tilted his head and raised his brows as he read the barrage of messages in the papers Yu Wenzhou just gave him.

Yu Wenzhou nodded calmly. So what if he lost his voice? He knew how to read the contract and freaking signed on it. He'll just wrote what he needs to say.

"Hmm, you do look familiar. Your blue eyes did remind me of something from that night," Ye Xiu rubbed his chin and smiled to Yu Wenzhou. "But I need more proof, you see, I can't just annul my engagement because- mmpfh!"

Yu Wenzhou kissed the prince passionately and only stopped when the human prince out of breathe.

"Hah... hahh... Okay, definitely that one hell of a CPR from that night," Ye Xiu breathed out. "I'll annul my engagement."

(Take out Little Mermaid)

"I still think that Huang Shaotian is gonna be more fitting to be the writing Little Mermaid, we can use speechbubble-shaped papers and it will be perfect," Wang Jiexi said boredly as he sipped his tea.

"True, true, it will be a blessing if he lost his voice too!" a merman said gleefully.

"I beg to differ! My voice is fabulous under water!" Huang Shaotian heroically swam forwards and pump up his chest. "But if the prince is Old Ye, I can accept that."

"Or, we could use Zhou Zekai, he's the one who rarely talked anyways," A mermaid pointed.

"Why are you all so against me taking this role?" Yu Wenzhou smiled dazzlingly.

"""NO! OF COURSE NO! WE'RE SORRY!"""

"Well, Yu Wenzhou is often associated with fish, I think it's fitting," Ye Xiu shrugged.

* * *

...

Han Wenqing furrowed his eyebrows even more tightly as he gazed at the peacefully _presumed dead_ Ye Xiu in the coffin, surrounded by flowers and and Glory's account cards. He crossed his arms and tilted his head solemnly.

"I don't mind kissing Ye Xiu, but I'm asking the morale of this story if the prince is kissing a _corpse_ in the _mouth,_ " Han Wenqing said gravely.

"That's what I said," Ye Xiu opened his eyes and said blankly. "I knew I could count on you, Old Han," Ye Xiu sat up and sighed.

"What are you doing?" Han Wenqing said.

"I'm gonna wash off the red lipstick," Ye Xiu said.

"No, stay. In the original story the reason why Snow White is dead is because she choked on the apple right? I'll do a first aid then do a CPR, that way it won't be so creepy," Han Wenqing kneeled beside Ye Xiu's coffin and pushed him back down.

"We're fixing reasons now?" Ye Xiu asked disbelievingly.

* * *

...

"No, we're not doing Beauty and the Beast" Ye Xiu said to his comrades solemnly.

"Why is that?" Huang Shaotian whined.

"Aside for the fact that it's out of this world and would be too much of a drama? I think the Beauty's love for the Beast is only a pure pet-master relationship," Ye Xiu said. "Before turning to romantic one after the Beast became human of course."

"... How can you arrived at that conclusion?"

"Well, it make sense, since the Beauty had to teach many things to the Beast ranging from the beauty of nature, how to read and how to not be a hot tempered man," Yu Wenzhou nodded.

"So, she taught him about nature, how to read and how to not be a dick, close enough," Huang Shaotian nodded in understanding.

"Pretty much," Ye Xiu nodded, satisfied.

...


End file.
